Bloodpuncher!

*For those who don’t already know, Bloodpuncher! (exclamation mark is included in the official spelling) was a one man comedy extreme metal band, formed primarily as a means of passing the time during my mid teens. The sound is intentionally poor, the lyrics are intentionally bad and were often satirizing the few extreme metal bands I knew at the time. Don’t expect to enjoy it on a musical level, or even on a comedic level if you weren’t there at the time*

 

Entry The Eight:
Here are a few more potential titles for songs or albums:

A Grave Error: Incorrect Burial Place

Fuckin, like, soooooo killed.

Piggyback Of Death

The Wine, The Women, The Woodchipper,

Caught In The Human Cannon Ball’s Trajectory,

Blunt Force Bowel Movement

Turbo bastard

Urinating In Unattended Pot Noodles

Public Display Of Erection

Accidentally Went Into The Ladies Room, But Now There’s A Que Outside.

Your Favourite Bra is now home to your creepy neighbour’s pet tarantula.

Intentionally driving Round Creepy Forest and abandoned industrial estates before safely Dropping Off Hitchkers

Butchered By A Butcher, Just As Well You Are Only A Cow

Ostrich Stampede

Impeding Recovery

I’ll burry you in girrafe balls if its the last thing I do

I hereby actually threaten to litterally kill you

Video just was my Patsy, I killed the Radio Star. AND YOU ARE NEXT.

Morning Prank Part 1: Jizz In Your Mouthwash
Morning Prank Part 2: Mouthwash In Your Urethra
Morning Pran Part 3: MURDER!

All Roads Lead To Rome, Unlucky For You

Misdirected.

Forced to co-star in a movie with Joey Lauren Adams

Kitten For Christmas. Kitten Allergy!

Social conventions dictate you must handshake with someone who you suspect is a padeophile but have no proof yet.

Drown In Medical Waste

Lowering Minimum Wage

Hatred

Blood Pressure Medicine… Expired.

Sexist Primeminister in Outlawing Vaginas Shocker.

 

Entry the 7th:
For the sake of posterity, here is a discography of Bloodpuncher! output:

01 Skies Alight With Zombies

01. Yates Intro
02. Barbed Wire And Broken Glass
03. Suffer Pain
04. Don Puncher
05. Chicken Or The Egg
06. The Life, Death and Zombification of Jesus
07. Skies Alight With Zombies
08. Yates Outro

02 Death Metal Hippies To The Left Of Space

01. Intro
02. Bodies Drop Like Flies
03. Death To The Face
04. Death Metal Hippies To The Left of Space
05. Zombie Death Cult
06. Cold Red Sea
07. Blood
08. Whore Destroyer
09. I Can’t Fall

03 Bloodpuncher! is Here to Rock Your Mas

01. Bloodpuncher! is Here to Rock Your Mas
02. Beyond The Broken Face
03. Fresh Flesh
04. Six Point Oh
05. My Unlucky Day
06. Born To Be Beaten
07. The Bitch Is Back… FROM THE DEAD!

04 Mairead EP

01. Soul Destroyer
02. Feel The Pain You Skaggy Tramp
03. Whore Destroyer Two

05 Bloodpuncher! Returns to Ensure Your Mas Are Rocked

01. Dr. Jalallibab Moog Intro
02. Are Your Mas Rocked Yet ?
03. Run If You Like Your Flesh Intact
04. Ascention
05. Ridiculously Viscious Beating
06. Killing You
07. Prelude To A Disco Zombie
08. Pure Dead
09. Into The Zombie Future
10. The Future Of Your Blood Aint Loooking So Great
11. Bloodpuncher! Returns to Ensure Your Mas Are Rocked
12. Dr. Jalallibab Moog Outro

06 Cause Of Death EP

01. Eaten Internally
02. Defiler of The Night
03. Cause Of Death

07 Funky Groove Tripping

01. Funky Rainbow
02. See The Light
03. Inside The Groove
04. Boogie Till Your Nose Bleeds
05. Trippin The Bit Out
06. Mouth Dance

08 Tales Of Bees and Vengeance

01. Accosted By Bees
02. Control Freak Tramp
03. Agony To Thee My Bastard Enemy
04. Heads Will Roll
05. Fear And Honour Portrayed Like A Grishmac
06. Absconded By Bees

09 Bloodpuncher! Returns To Rock All The Women Who Became Mothers During The Break

01. Bloodpuncher! Returns To Rock All The Women Who Became Mothers During The Break
02. End Of Your Life
03. Chance To Die
04. You Deserve It
05. Another Zombie Apocolypse

10 Plutonium Horsemen EP

01. M16 Sleep
02. Nuked
03. Plutonium Horsemen

11 Bloodpuncher! Thrashes Your Mother

01. Gathering
02. In The Pit
03. Mosh
04. Mars
05. Behind
06. Thrash Metaaaaaal

 

Entry the 6th:
If you want to download your very own copy of the best Bloodpuncher! song, ‘Absconded By Bees,’ then clickHere.

 

Entry the 5th:
When going through old backup discs I discovered a word document with all the lyrics to the first 10 or so Bloodpuncher! demos. I have pasted it wholesale so if there are spelling, grammar or any other mistakes just deal with it. This word document was written in a rush six years ago for a one man parody extreme metal band, what do you expect?

 

 

Skies alight with zombies (2004)

 

BARBED WIRE AND BROKEN GLASS A LOVELY WAY TO SPEND THE EVENING
Time, inconceivable torment, broken glass, barbed wire, let it rend us, burning, eating death by inconvievable torture broken glass – solo- apocalypse die, a never ending torment, dyeing not what you want to be, dying, lots of blood, die, never-ending blood, blood – solo – pain.

 

Suffer Pain
Pain awaits broken flesh. those will die – time to cry.
blood hurts intense torture pain and running away.
intense suffering running flesh- hurt – you cant take the pain.
broken bones with lots of zombies craving your flesh as you die.
intense zombie feast. death awaits the pain. war.

 

CHICKEN OR THE EGG.
CHICKEN OR THE EGG, chicken or the fucking egg? CHICKEN OR THE EGG, Egg, it’s the fucking egg, the egg, can’t you see it’s the egg, egg.

 

DON PUNCHER.
WHY I OUTA PUNCH YOU IN THE BELLY, THE BELLY, THE DON HAS A BELLY, HE WILL CRUSH YOU WITH HIS CRIMINAL ACTIVITIES, HES THE DON, HE HAS A BULBOUS BELLY, A BULBOUS BELLY BULBOUS , THE DON THE DON, HE WILL DIE WITH A BOULBOUS BELLY HE WILL CRUSH YOU, DIE FROM HIS CRIMINAL ACTIVITIES , the. He Lou that suka just punched me in the belly.

 

The life death and ZOMBIFICATION of Jesus
born life born – angle and divine conception. immaculate. went out to love- preached the good news.
suffering and death died on the cross. back to life at Easter – zombie. NO flesh eating though just our lord and savior

 

Skies alight with zombies.
Skies alight with zombies, burning flesh, burning die, Skies alight with zombies, big blue flames. Skies alight with zombies burning eating, Skies alight with zombies burning die burn and die, Skies alight with zombies, skies alight burning die, burning sky, skies alight, burning die, eat the flesh of burning, burning, eat the burning flesh, burning, flesh, burning die etc… the skies are alight with zombies tonight.

 

Death metal hippies to the left of space (2004)

 

Bodies drop like flies
death will overtake your life, you will go through horrible strife, you will fall!
death will overtake your life, I will watch your body drop. x2 I am the one who will kill you,
I will not take you to the cemetery . death will overtake your life, I will end it with a knife.
i think you know its time to die, time to die. DEATH.

 

Death to the face
Pain, incessant beating, beating to the face. Pain. Pain, incessant beating, you think your face is safe?
not safe! intensive beating to the face! pain. pain. i will not be found i will f*cking eat the skull
welcome to the brain! death in your face. death. death in your face

 

death metal hippies to the left of space
death metal hippies to the left of space.

 

Blood
blood, oceans of blood red gore, blood, rotting and dead, blood x3, oceans of gore, blood
rivers of dieing you can breath no more, blood, dieing, lots of blood, you can’t see
red liquid in your eyes, blood, do you like that? do you? blood, better die, die x5

 

zombie death cult.
rancid flesh, savage beating, eating flesh is what they do, ughh zombies will get you! they killed you.
its time to die, the end is near, its time to die, the end is nigh …

 

WHORE DESTROYER
TIME FOR PAIN. WHORES. THINK YOU ARE SO GREAT THE PAIN WILL SHOW YOU YOU SUCK!
THE PAIN WILL SATISFY, FREAK! YOUR DEATH IS GUARANTEED . time for pain time for WHORES. TIME pain!

 

I cant fall
meat cleaver, i wanna die, time to feel the pain, you will burn, axe to the face you will die
dont catch me if i fall. burning to death, meat cleaver, you will die, feel the pain.
dont catch me if i fall, was i ever really alive at all, i think you know
burn and die i think you know
death to the face? it could never be! fear me in the pain, pain to your internal organs
dont catch me if i fall, i wanna eat your eyes but i cant die

 

loodPuncher! is here to rock your mas (2004)

 

Beyond the broken face
you’re wearing the crown of thorns, and the power has gone to your head, suffering and death, ultimate death.
you’ll meet your destiny, you’ll meet your death – BY ME!.
the ultimate agony, pain befalls you, you cant take the strain, death befalls you
sweet death, now!

 

Blood Puncher! is here to rock your ma’s
time to die, punched and die, Blood Puncher! is here to rock your mas, you wonder why we make the innocent die.
blood puncher! is here to rock your mas, blood puncher! rock your mas, time to die x2, blood punched x2,
blood puncher is here to rock your mother.

 

fresh flesh
i will kill you! you will die! time to die! zombies eat your flesh ! flesh !

 

six point oh
oh baby i was maybe just wondering what your stand point is on six point oh. you would really like to let me know.
ooo baby i love you so ! baby i love you but this is kind of an unlucky day. . .
you know its just not the sort of situation where… i even know whether to ask you to…
aw never mind baby its not your sort of thing anyway.
you’re more of an in girl baby
I’d still like to know your opinion on six point oh, yeah.
baby id love to know what’s your opinion on six point oh. baby i really wanna ask you do you love me so.
oh yeah ? IM LOVIN THAT JAZZ baby ! never lie to me cuz i love you!
whoa baby this is gettin a little outa hand what do you mean you wanna leave me i cant stand this is just crazy .
baby please dont go. baby i love you so. oh no! baby this is gettin a little outa hand i just wanted to know about six point oh.
six point oh. damb you six point oh !!!

 

My unlucky day
my unlucky day baby, this morning i got up and i put my foot in the wrong shoe and i thought hey no big deal, but
it turned out it was a big deal ok? today i got fired today i lost my girlfriend today i lost $500 in a betting game.
luck just wont come today this really aint the way to go and luck wont show.
some people call it poker, the sport of kings! put i find its the sport of fools, all i ever do is lose!
luck wont just… cant you just come my way
luck wont just come my way this really aint my day, its not really the way to go, and luck wont show.
this just aint my day and luck wont come my way, tell me its not the way to go and you know that luck wont show.
(well it might show, but its probably not gunna)

 

Born to be beaten.
you cant just be, ultimate suffering to the ones who think they’re better.
you think you are class but your acting like an ass! you’re no god dam better than me.
you think you are the sh*t, but you are stupid, yeah?
you think you are class but your acting like an ass! you will be punched, you will be beaten, i will
muthaf*ckin kill you, you are f*ckin scum, you do not wanna live i would like to see you…
i cannot abide your live you want to f*ckin be beaten!

 

the bitch is back from the dead
zombie woman, eat your flesh zombie woman eat your flesh. never f*cking eat me. zombie woman’s killing you again.
zombie woman eats your f*cking eyes. zombie woman eats your f*cking heart . zombie woman kill me again.
zombie woman access your insides – you weep. know i cant be dead! you are no longer alive. never f*cking more .
no longer alive no longer living just dead! no even f*cking dead – just a zombie !!!

 

the Mairéad EP.

 

Soul destroyer
Soul destroying. F*ck off you bitch. you dont know what you’re talking about you bitch, i sincerely hope you f*cking die,
I’d love to stab you in the f*cking eye. bitch, your going to f*cking die. bitch. I’m so sick of your shit, f*cking die.

 

feel the pain you saggy tramp (f*ck you bitch)
apparently I’m soul destroying, skaggy bitch pushing me around, I don’t want any ANY of this! , no more of this I’m sick and it’ll end now, no more lies no more snide remarks no more hate, no more of any of this.

 

WHORE DESTROYER 2
pain . opinion. perhaps you hate it. no more names. who can believe this you can believe this. pain. opinion for thee.
no more names. you can believe this. what can believe this. you do it again. soul destroying.

 

BloodPuncher! Returns to Ensure Your Mas Remain Rocked (2004)

 

Are Your Mas Rocked Yet ?
Are your mas rocked yet? are your mothers rocked by BloodPuncher! ?
I cant believe there are some unrocked mas despite my efforts. but they’ll be rocked now.
Your mas are going to be rocked by BloodPuncher! mas rocked by BloodPuncher!
I will not quit until all the mas are rocked oh yes. YOUR MAS WILL BE ROCKED THIS TIME.

 

Run if you like your flesh intact.
zombie eats your blood, zombie feast the flesh, zombie eats your life, zombie feast the soul.
your life is in danger cuz the zombies are coming. Your life is in danger so…
Run from the zombies who claim your flesh, Run from the zombies
run, run from the hordes of flesh eating minions , the dead will feast on your flesh.
die, die tonight.

 

Blood Puncher! returns to ensure your mas remain rocked.
Blood Puncher! returns to ensure your mas are rocked. Blood Puncher! returns to ensure your mas are rocked.
You are going to die at the hands of death metal. At the hands of death metal.
Blood Puncher! returns to ensure your mas are rocked.
gone are the days when mas would not be rocked, I think its significant to conclude that Blood Puncher! have returned.
Blood Puncher! returns to rock your mothers.

 

Ridiculously Vicious Beating
beating of your life, beating of your wife. beating , intense pain, beating over and over again.
beating, welcome to the face, beating, now is your fall from grace.
Broken bones, beating.
intense pain, beating and you cant take the pain. intense pain, intense pain you cant stand the pain.
Intense f*cking beating, intense beating over and over again, beating over and over again.
beating to the face, this is your fall from grace, I will not stop until that smile is wiped off your face.
beating, you cant stand the pain, beating over and over again, beating you cant take the pain,
beating to the f*cking face.

 

killing you
I am killing you in your time of need. you are to receive immense pain.
I am killing you, immense pain, in your darkest hour i am making it darker. death is what I do, I am killing you.
I am killing you. you will receive pain , you will be beaten and ravaged in pain.
darkness consumes you you fear the pain I’m going to bring you to your knees.

 

Prelude to a Disco Zombie
once a man died, danced away from the afterlife, once a man died, he danced right out of hell
he was disco zombie. he was disco zombie. but hated BloodPuncher! . this man died but cheated through dancing.

 

Pure Dead
heart stops beating, you will be replaced by a corpse. you are to stop living because you are pure dead,
PURE DEAD.

 

Into the Zombie Future
zombies feasting on your flesh. eating you inside. zombies eating your brains. eating your flesh.
you cant run from the zombies. zombies have come for you. zombie death of millions.
in the zombie holocaust of the future BloodPuncher! rocks what few mas are left.

 

The Future Of Your Blood Aint Lookin’ So Good
the future of your blood, aint looking so great, the future of you blood is left with my hate
you will be punched, punched in the blood, you will be punched in the blood
in the blood, your blood’s going down, no more chances for your blood, so long blood!

 

Cause of Death EP

 

Eaten Internally
eaten internally feasting eternally.
gnawing away at me, eaten internally.

inside i am being chewed, bleeding organs make me squeal.
thousands feast under my flesh, silent killers i can’t feel.
being ate internally, hurts so bad it cant be true.
not much left for them in me soon they’ll spread and devour you.

eaten internally feasting eternally.
gnawing incessantly, eaten internally.

look into my eyes and see, pain has taken hold of me.
however did this come to be ? life has seen the last of me.
bursting arteries and veins, besieged by 1,000 pains.
in my insides i am hollow, I’ve been eaten, you will follow.

eaten internally feasting eternally.
gnawing away at me, eaten internally.
eaten internally feasting eternally.
gnawing incessantly, eaten internally.

 

Defiler of the Night
I am the defiler of the night, Hating all within my sight.
My dead eyes are filled with hate, I’m the one who’ll seal your fate.

Abhorrent Killer. Demonic Bedlamite.
Callous Butcher. Stalker of the night.

Look into my eyes and see, A world wrought with misanthropy.
I am shattering your dreams. I defile by any means.

Abhorrent Killer. Demonic Bedlamite.
Callous Butcher. Stalker of the night.

I am the defiler of the night, Hating all within my sight.
My dead eyes are filled with hate, I’m the one who’ll seal your fate.

Abhorrent Killer. Demonic Bedlamite.
Callous Butcher. Stalker of the night.

 

Cause of Death

Cause of death. Cause of death.

betrayal brings me to my knees. impairing me like a disease.
betrayal stabbed in the back again. writhing around in immense pain.

cause of death – betrayed once again.
cause of death – all efforts were in vein.

I have died as you betray. you expect to get get away .
i will beat you to your knees I’m the cure to your disease.

cause of death – betrayed once again.
cause of death – all efforts were in vein.

what is the cause of death ? betrayal is the cause of death.

cause of death – betrayed once again.
cause of death – all efforts were in vein.

DEATH.

 

Funky-Groove-Trippin’ (2004)

See the Light (again)
you’ll see the light, you’ll see the day, you’re gunna dance the young night away
you’ll see the light, you’ll see the day, you’re gunna dance your life away

Funky Rainbow
baby, won’t you be my funky rainbow, come dance with me, we’ll get funky.
don’t let them try and tell you you’re not great, because you are, you and i both know
so get funky, you know you’re a great person, like a rain bow
baby, won’t you be my funky rainbow, baby, won’t you be my funky rainbow,
and get funky with me, funky as a 2, ah you know how it goes…
funkier than a pair of leprechauns in the jolly green soundscape
baby, won’t you be my funky rainbow, come get funky with me,
we’ll be funky together, just 1 less than 3 baby, oh yeah.

 

Inside the Groove
get into the groove, get inside its mind, infiltrate ! get inside the groove, infiltrate !
get inside the groove, inside the groove.

 

Boogie ’till Your Nose Bleeds
Boogie, boogie till your nose bleeds. Dance, nasal pain.
Boogie till your nose bleeds. Dance, your nose might hurt, but it’s time to dance.

 

Tales of Bees and Vengeance ( 2004)

 

Accosted By Bees
Bees will sting you, it will hurt. They might make honey but you better be ready, Because the bees WILL sting you.
One sting and they will die but it will hurt you too, one sting and they will die . Accosted by bees is what you will be.
Bees will sting you, but they’ll die too, Accosted by bees !!!

 

Control Freak Tramp
F*cking bitch, what’s your fucking problem, back the f*ck away from me, go back to f*cking England.
You tramp, get out of my face. Don’t give a f*ck about your uniform.
F*ck your ‘noble’ status. F*ck your shitty accent.
As if you weren’t ugly enough… you make yourself less appealing by being a bitch. oh god, I f*ckin hate you.
What the f*ck do you think you’re playing at you control freak tramp, this isn’t f*cking on, you skaggy f*ckin bitch

 

Heads Will Roll
Heads will roll : decapitation. Heads will roll : decapitation
Your Head and brain cut off, serrated blade to the neck , heads will roll on the holocaust.
Heads will roll : decapitation

 

Agony to Thee ( My Bastard Enemy)
Your f*ckin eyes are gouged out, don’t f*ck with me. I hope you’re ready for the pain.
You scummy little bastard, I f*ckin hate you. I’m gunna make you feel the f*ckin agony .
Your your f*ckin eyes gouged out, get ready for the pain !
Oh god I f*ckin hate you, I’m gunna make you feel agony : torture.
I hope you f*cking know the misfortune which approaches you :
Eyes gouged out, I f*ckin hate you, I’m gunna f*ckin put you through agony.

 

Absconded By Bees
Welcome to your own personal Bee Hell, we don’t know WHAT ‘absconded’ means, ‘accosted by bees’ made more sense.
This is the superior version of a song by James Neeson with ‘Bees’ in the title of the song.
Yellow and black, covered with spikes would be an armored bee; no bees have spikes, except these bees (which are clawing at your brain).
BEEEEEEEEES **laughs*** You thought summer was going to be fun, but you didn’t count on the bees having fun! Their definition of fun is much contrasted to yours! They sting and hurt you, and you go ‘AHHHH BEES!’
AAAAAAAAAAAAHa hurt! **laughs***
Some kind of bee farm is where you went, you annoyed the bees and they came to your tent where you where camped outside the bee farm.
A bee went in and paralyzed your tear ducts, so when you where crying, or at least trying to cry **laughs** the, people couldn’t tell and they thought you were alright, but in fact the bees where stinging THE F*CK OUT OF YOUR BRAIN!!!!
And now the bees are in control of your actions they take you to the Whitehouse, make you sting the President with your bee stinger that you have grown out of your ass!
Now the president is under the control of the bees, the bees rule the world and the bees are gay!

 

**Fear and Honor Portrayed Like a GrishMac
There is a Northern tyrant, his name is GrishMac… chill commander OF DOOM. He is the Ice Lord .
His friend is the Iceberg King. His name is CountGrishMac .

 

**The Time of Your Life
Utter agony, intense pain, utter excruciation awaits thee, utter pain, intense torture awaits thee
The way I feel, your time is through, no more life.
Intense pain, utter agony, excruciation awaits thee, so get ready for the time of your life, GET READY !
INTENSE AGONY AWAITS YOU SO GET READY FOR THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE !
Torture, I hate you I’m gunna cut you into pieces .
At lest death awaits you, you follow…
Remember my face, it’s not that easy to forget, I’m the one who’s killing you !

 

**Can’t Take the Hint
Oh god how I hate you, you little f*ckin prick. Oh god how I hate you, you f*cking make me sick.
Look into my eyes, I wanna cut out yours.
You just try understand how much I hate you. you wont ever comprehend the malice on my part.
You f*ckin prick I wanna rip out your heart. I wanna rip out your insides and put them on display, in front of your family.
You waste of life ! I wanna rip out your insides !

 

 

 

 

Entry the 3rd:
http://bloodpunch.webs.com/music.htm
or
https://www.dropbox.com/home#/Bloodpuncher!:::

 

Entry the 2nd:
I made a video for everybody’s favourite Bloodpuncher! Classic, ‘Absconded By Bees.’

 

Entry The 1st:

Bloodpuncher! the greatest underground metal band that almost existed, are poised to make a return in 2010, plans for their long awaited 14th demo release, (or possibly debut album) Bloodpuncher! Is thicker than Water are well underway.

Expect to hear some bone chewing, elbow shoving, eyebrow injuring pure extreme metal fury this Christmas.

Reports from all the major undergound magazines have uncovered the following rumored track titles:

Bloodpuncher! Is thicker than Water

Mothers Form a Cue…

Punched an Infinite Number of Times in the Face

Once Bitten Coconut Shy

Crushed by a Corpse…into a Grave!

He Got Bite By A Snake

Horse Off Cliff

Cross my bridge and hope to die

Cross a Black Cat and hope to die

All Hail Cabs

Here Comes the Milk

Death to the Living

I Love it when a fruit comes to fruition

HellPig Returns

Bride of HellPig

Son of HellPig

HellPig Vs. Jason

Whisked to Death

A Maggot Full of Skulls